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| SPONGEOSOPHY ESSAY ADRIFT "Is there any hope?" |
Imagine yourself adrift in a lifeboat. You are in the middle of the ocean, only
enough supplies to last a certain amount of time. You have no oars, no engine,
nothing to propel you anywhere. You have no way of getting outside help. You
know what you want to do, but it seems you have no way of getting there. It seems
pretty hopeless, doesn't it? What will you do?
Lately I have been feeling "adrift" myself. I have dreams, goals, and aspirations.
However, given my current circumstances, it seems I have no hope of reaching
them. I want to bowl more tournaments while there is still breath in my body.
However the expenses involved are prohibitive. Right now I am doing what I can
to survive, much less spend about $500 per week for regionals, $1,200 for the
national tour. I have tried to get sponsors, but packets return unopened or I get
no response at all. Bowling more tournaments seems hopeless.
My health has gotten worse. The side effects from long-term use of steroids are
starting to affect my other organs. My kidneys and heart are starting to weaken. I
have tried all of the medicinal therapies that Medicare will cover, and even some
others. Nothing has been able to get me off of the prednisone. Unless I stop the
steroid therapy soon, those organs will fail and there will be no more "frames" to
bowl. But if I stop the steroids, the Crohn's will get me. Unless something
changes, it seems pretty hopeless, doesn't it?
I compared my feelings about these situations of mine to being adrift in that
lifeboat. I know where I want to go, what I want to do. However there is nothing in
my lifeboat to help me get there. I am at the mercy of the flow of the tide and
some miracle of outside assistance.
I have nothing. I have no hope.
Or do I?
As I look around me, I look at what is in my lifeboat-just enough to get me by for
now. What else do I have? I have the love of some great people, I cannot let
them down, and so I will try to think of something. Jamie pointed out to me that
there is ONE thing I do have that can help...ME. My iron will to push and go on.
So here I am in my lifeboat with nothing but a few supplies and myself. What can I
do? I have no paddles to get me where I am going, do I? The hell I don't! I still
have one hell of a bowling arm. I can cup my hands and use them as paddles. I
have very broad shoulders that can carry the weight of the world, at times. When
my arms tire, I will stand up and use those shoulders as a sail when the winds are
right.
In the meantime, I will occupy my mind with the good things in life, the things that
keep me going-the things that make me want to keep paddling-my faith, my
integrity, and my sense of humor, my kids, Dee and Jamie. Paddling with my
hands may seem futile, but who knows?
I may not make it to shore. I may never bowl another big tournament. I could
easily sit back and accept that, wait for time to run out and die adrift.
I refuse to quit, at ANYTHING.
I will paddle towards the shore and keep pushing. Who knows, maybe tomorrow
one of the clinical trials will open up and an experimental drug will get me off of
the steroids. Who knows? I don't know. I only know that when I am adrift without
any hope, there is always hope.
I am paddling my butt off for all I am worth. I will reach shore, or I won't. I simply
refuse to stop trying. I have some people who love me waiting for me. For them,
these arms will never get tired.
Be well,
Sponge
01/31/2007
enough supplies to last a certain amount of time. You have no oars, no engine,
nothing to propel you anywhere. You have no way of getting outside help. You
know what you want to do, but it seems you have no way of getting there. It seems
pretty hopeless, doesn't it? What will you do?
Lately I have been feeling "adrift" myself. I have dreams, goals, and aspirations.
However, given my current circumstances, it seems I have no hope of reaching
them. I want to bowl more tournaments while there is still breath in my body.
However the expenses involved are prohibitive. Right now I am doing what I can
to survive, much less spend about $500 per week for regionals, $1,200 for the
national tour. I have tried to get sponsors, but packets return unopened or I get
no response at all. Bowling more tournaments seems hopeless.
My health has gotten worse. The side effects from long-term use of steroids are
starting to affect my other organs. My kidneys and heart are starting to weaken. I
have tried all of the medicinal therapies that Medicare will cover, and even some
others. Nothing has been able to get me off of the prednisone. Unless I stop the
steroid therapy soon, those organs will fail and there will be no more "frames" to
bowl. But if I stop the steroids, the Crohn's will get me. Unless something
changes, it seems pretty hopeless, doesn't it?
I compared my feelings about these situations of mine to being adrift in that
lifeboat. I know where I want to go, what I want to do. However there is nothing in
my lifeboat to help me get there. I am at the mercy of the flow of the tide and
some miracle of outside assistance.
I have nothing. I have no hope.
Or do I?
As I look around me, I look at what is in my lifeboat-just enough to get me by for
now. What else do I have? I have the love of some great people, I cannot let
them down, and so I will try to think of something. Jamie pointed out to me that
there is ONE thing I do have that can help...ME. My iron will to push and go on.
So here I am in my lifeboat with nothing but a few supplies and myself. What can I
do? I have no paddles to get me where I am going, do I? The hell I don't! I still
have one hell of a bowling arm. I can cup my hands and use them as paddles. I
have very broad shoulders that can carry the weight of the world, at times. When
my arms tire, I will stand up and use those shoulders as a sail when the winds are
right.
In the meantime, I will occupy my mind with the good things in life, the things that
keep me going-the things that make me want to keep paddling-my faith, my
integrity, and my sense of humor, my kids, Dee and Jamie. Paddling with my
hands may seem futile, but who knows?
I may not make it to shore. I may never bowl another big tournament. I could
easily sit back and accept that, wait for time to run out and die adrift.
I refuse to quit, at ANYTHING.
I will paddle towards the shore and keep pushing. Who knows, maybe tomorrow
one of the clinical trials will open up and an experimental drug will get me off of
the steroids. Who knows? I don't know. I only know that when I am adrift without
any hope, there is always hope.
I am paddling my butt off for all I am worth. I will reach shore, or I won't. I simply
refuse to stop trying. I have some people who love me waiting for me. For them,
these arms will never get tired.
Be well,
Sponge
01/31/2007
| Photos taken at Bernheim Forest by Allyson Kathleen Koch |