| SpongeOsophy Essay "LETTING GO" Dedicated to my children |
The time I knew was coming is here. It has hit me harder than I thought it would. I
thought that perhaps if I did everything right, I could avoid it. I thought that I could
be so awesome that I could avoid the inevitable. My little girl isn't so little anymore.
She is 13 now. She has reached the point where Daddy isn't as important as he
once was to her. For me, this is the bitterest pill I have ever had to swallow.
Years ago I told Ally that this time would be here. The time when Dad didn't know
everything, in fact, I would seem down right stupid to her. Of course back then Ally
assured me that it would not happen; that I would always be “number one,” her
“hero.” I knew otherwise, even though I hoped that she was right. I watched my
second wife go through this transition with my step-son. I arrogantly thought I was
such a great dad it would not happen to me.
I stupidly thought by being the best Dad I could be I could keep her from getting to
this point. I thought that by showing her just how important she was to me, I could
forever be her “hero.”
Sadly though, I failed at this over the last few years. Once my then wife took ill, for a
time, she was the top priority in my life; my children had to take “second chair.”
Shortly after that, the whole “Sponge Daddy” concept took shape and I started
focusing attention away from my home. I spent so much time seeing to the needs of
my readers and those I visited, I spent less time with the little girl in my life. Not just
her, my son Alex too. Oh, when they are here for their visits I try so very hard to put
“Sponge” away and just be “Daddy” but then the phone rings and someone needs
something. That is what was hard…trying to divide myself between all of those that
need me. Not to mention all of the time spent practicing and bowling. I simply didn’t
have time for the nightly phone calls any more. The song “Cat’s in the Cradle” is
ringing in my ears now, perhaps I am reaping what I sowed.
Being a father is the greatest job in the world. There is nothing I would rather do.
However, there are many hats to wear as a “dad.” One of those is the need, the
desire, to provide for our kids. How does one balance that with being a “there”
daddy? Any of you with answers, I would love to know.
Ally missed a few visits with me this year. Her reasons were her own. A few days
ago Ally let me know that she would be missing our next visit so that she could go to
a lock in. Sadly, this coincides with my next tournament, Bardstown. This is the
tournament I have been preparing for the last six months. I have to say, it hurt. For
a while I spent a great deal of emotional energy being upset about this. I assumed
that my dream would be important to her. Then I wondered how I might have failed
as a father. However, I failed to remember that she is just 13, and growing every
day. Rather than seeing this as a failure, I need to see it as a success.
Ally, I know that in many ways, I have let you down. Many times my own selfish fear
of being alone came before yours. Many times I put the needs of others ahead of
my children. Perhaps I thought that my kids were okay, so it would be okay to look
after others for a bit. I know I have hurt my kids from time to time by not being
there. I can’t change that. What I can do is try to be more balanced. What I can do
is try to be there when they need me, not just when our bi-weekly visitation comes
around. Perhaps someday I can have them closer than the current 200 mile
distance between us.
Part of growing up is spreading ones wings, as it were. We all separate ourselves
from our parents. If not, we would live at home all of our lives, forever children
needing guidance and direction. Part of being a parent is knowing when to let go,
when to loosen the reigns and let our kids become who they want to be.
I know the time will come again when she comes to me for advice and just to talk.
Sometimes, even lately, she is still my little girl and I get to be Daddy again.
Spread your wings and soar, my precious girl. Daddy is proud of the woman you
are becoming. It is so good to see you becoming a good, decent person. You are
everything I wanted my daughter to be. More importantly, you are becoming the
person you want to be. Some day you will understand the way my chest swells with
pride and tears well up in my eyes when I see you and your brother. Of all the
things I have ever done, all I will ever do, my greatest accomplishment will be my
children, Ally and Alex. No matter what I do for the “world” my greatest gift to it will
be the two of you. Two years ago I set out to change the world for the better, and I
have. The world will be better now, for you are in it.
Be well,
(Sponge) DADDY
09/18/2005
thought that perhaps if I did everything right, I could avoid it. I thought that I could
be so awesome that I could avoid the inevitable. My little girl isn't so little anymore.
She is 13 now. She has reached the point where Daddy isn't as important as he
once was to her. For me, this is the bitterest pill I have ever had to swallow.
Years ago I told Ally that this time would be here. The time when Dad didn't know
everything, in fact, I would seem down right stupid to her. Of course back then Ally
assured me that it would not happen; that I would always be “number one,” her
“hero.” I knew otherwise, even though I hoped that she was right. I watched my
second wife go through this transition with my step-son. I arrogantly thought I was
such a great dad it would not happen to me.
I stupidly thought by being the best Dad I could be I could keep her from getting to
this point. I thought that by showing her just how important she was to me, I could
forever be her “hero.”
Sadly though, I failed at this over the last few years. Once my then wife took ill, for a
time, she was the top priority in my life; my children had to take “second chair.”
Shortly after that, the whole “Sponge Daddy” concept took shape and I started
focusing attention away from my home. I spent so much time seeing to the needs of
my readers and those I visited, I spent less time with the little girl in my life. Not just
her, my son Alex too. Oh, when they are here for their visits I try so very hard to put
“Sponge” away and just be “Daddy” but then the phone rings and someone needs
something. That is what was hard…trying to divide myself between all of those that
need me. Not to mention all of the time spent practicing and bowling. I simply didn’t
have time for the nightly phone calls any more. The song “Cat’s in the Cradle” is
ringing in my ears now, perhaps I am reaping what I sowed.
Being a father is the greatest job in the world. There is nothing I would rather do.
However, there are many hats to wear as a “dad.” One of those is the need, the
desire, to provide for our kids. How does one balance that with being a “there”
daddy? Any of you with answers, I would love to know.
Ally missed a few visits with me this year. Her reasons were her own. A few days
ago Ally let me know that she would be missing our next visit so that she could go to
a lock in. Sadly, this coincides with my next tournament, Bardstown. This is the
tournament I have been preparing for the last six months. I have to say, it hurt. For
a while I spent a great deal of emotional energy being upset about this. I assumed
that my dream would be important to her. Then I wondered how I might have failed
as a father. However, I failed to remember that she is just 13, and growing every
day. Rather than seeing this as a failure, I need to see it as a success.
Ally, I know that in many ways, I have let you down. Many times my own selfish fear
of being alone came before yours. Many times I put the needs of others ahead of
my children. Perhaps I thought that my kids were okay, so it would be okay to look
after others for a bit. I know I have hurt my kids from time to time by not being
there. I can’t change that. What I can do is try to be more balanced. What I can do
is try to be there when they need me, not just when our bi-weekly visitation comes
around. Perhaps someday I can have them closer than the current 200 mile
distance between us.
Part of growing up is spreading ones wings, as it were. We all separate ourselves
from our parents. If not, we would live at home all of our lives, forever children
needing guidance and direction. Part of being a parent is knowing when to let go,
when to loosen the reigns and let our kids become who they want to be.
I know the time will come again when she comes to me for advice and just to talk.
Sometimes, even lately, she is still my little girl and I get to be Daddy again.
Spread your wings and soar, my precious girl. Daddy is proud of the woman you
are becoming. It is so good to see you becoming a good, decent person. You are
everything I wanted my daughter to be. More importantly, you are becoming the
person you want to be. Some day you will understand the way my chest swells with
pride and tears well up in my eyes when I see you and your brother. Of all the
things I have ever done, all I will ever do, my greatest accomplishment will be my
children, Ally and Alex. No matter what I do for the “world” my greatest gift to it will
be the two of you. Two years ago I set out to change the world for the better, and I
have. The world will be better now, for you are in it.
Be well,
(Sponge) DADDY
09/18/2005
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