| "A HAWK REQUIRES NO PERMISSION FROM THE PIGEONS" |
What the heck does that mean?
In this life you are either a hawk or a pigeon. A hawk is someone who, while considerate to
others, does not always allow others to influence his or her behavior. Some people like to call
me "Beetlejuice" behind my back; making fun of my bad hair and bad teeth. Well, I do not let
these pigeons affect my self-esteem. I derive my self-worth from who I am and what I do,
not what others think of me. I must say that I feel sorry for those who must make fun of
other's faults or handicaps. How sad their life must be that the only way they feel good
about themselves is by putting others down. Earning the respect of decent, honest people is
a wonderful thing, but I do not rely on that to know my value. I am a decent kind of guy and I
know it. I do not need anyone else to convince me.
A hawk is also someone who does for themselves without worry of scorn. For instance, when
you look in the mirror do you make your clothes and hair match the style of the day just to
avoid scrutiny? Dressing in style is fine as long as you do it because you like it, not because
everyone else does. I buy 90% of my clothes second hand. I dress for comfort and for what
I like. I wear my hair spiked because it looks thicker to me that way. Whether others
think my style is stupid looking or not isn't worth two cents to me. I have more important
things to put energy into than worrying about "fashion."
Not needing the approval of others for your looks or your style is a truly freeing experience.
It takes me about 10 minutes to shower and dress in the morning. I grab out of the closet
whatever will be comfortable and appropriate. In my eyes I have become much more
handsome since I adopted this attitude. Of course I do want to get my bottom teeth
replaced, for the sake of chewing, not to avoid approbation of pigeons. Through the course of
the illness, vomiting and malnourishment have ruined my teeth, but dental work is expensive.
And, after all, this is Kentucky, people expect me to be missing a few teeth.
others, does not always allow others to influence his or her behavior. Some people like to call
me "Beetlejuice" behind my back; making fun of my bad hair and bad teeth. Well, I do not let
these pigeons affect my self-esteem. I derive my self-worth from who I am and what I do,
not what others think of me. I must say that I feel sorry for those who must make fun of
other's faults or handicaps. How sad their life must be that the only way they feel good
about themselves is by putting others down. Earning the respect of decent, honest people is
a wonderful thing, but I do not rely on that to know my value. I am a decent kind of guy and I
know it. I do not need anyone else to convince me.
A hawk is also someone who does for themselves without worry of scorn. For instance, when
you look in the mirror do you make your clothes and hair match the style of the day just to
avoid scrutiny? Dressing in style is fine as long as you do it because you like it, not because
everyone else does. I buy 90% of my clothes second hand. I dress for comfort and for what
I like. I wear my hair spiked because it looks thicker to me that way. Whether others
think my style is stupid looking or not isn't worth two cents to me. I have more important
things to put energy into than worrying about "fashion."
Not needing the approval of others for your looks or your style is a truly freeing experience.
It takes me about 10 minutes to shower and dress in the morning. I grab out of the closet
whatever will be comfortable and appropriate. In my eyes I have become much more
handsome since I adopted this attitude. Of course I do want to get my bottom teeth
replaced, for the sake of chewing, not to avoid approbation of pigeons. Through the course of
the illness, vomiting and malnourishment have ruined my teeth, but dental work is expensive.
And, after all, this is Kentucky, people expect me to be missing a few teeth.
Being a hawk with the doctors..
One truth is that my doctors are incredibly intelligent people; I trust them with my life.
However, they do not know as much about my illnesses as I do. They read and study; I live it
24/7. No two cases of any illness are identical. I have learned that taking all the right
medicine, following the right diet, etc. does not always pay off. Crohn's in particular seems to
have a mind of its own. I have taken as many as 53 pills a day, and still have had to fight the
grim reaper.
My doctor may want to do a test, but having the test is my choice. I do not always have the
money to afford the co-pay on something like a blood test, so sometimes it must be skipped.
If I feel it is necessary the choice is mine, not the doctor's. The same goes for medication. I
am willing to try new medication, but if the side effects and cost outweigh the benefits, the
choice to stop taking a medicine is mine. I need to add here that Drs. Heine, Orgel, and Payne
are wonderful physicians and I value them more than they know.
There was a time that I let psychiatrists throw pill after pill at me. Sure, the mania and
depression were diminished and my mind was quiet, but I was a zombie. One medication took
away all of the rapid-fire thoughts I sometimes have, but it made me sedate. In the process
it also destroyed my pancreas. Nice. I stopped some of the meds by accident. When Raine
was in the coma, I stayed at the hospital 24/7 for 5 weeks. I did not have the time to go get
them refilled. Also, living out of vending machines left me strapped for cash, medicine became
a luxury. Over the next month my energy came back. Now, I know I need help to a point, so I
do take a mild sedative when I get out of control and need to slow down. Running full throttle
is bad for my body and for those who love me. An occasional sleeping pill also helps slow the
manic episodes as well.
In the hospital you might hear the words "doctor's orders." What you need to remember is
that those are the doctor's orders for the nurses and staff. If you do not feel a need to eat
that tasteless paste they bring you, DON'T. Of course do not be a fool and do something that
will make matters worse or extend your stay. The key thing to remember is that medical
personnel work for you not vice-versa.
On a final note regarding doctors, always keep in mind life versus quality of life. I will not
take a treatment that might buy me more time if it means that time is spent chained to a bed
or machine. Doctors are not your enemy, however. They are doing all they can to make things
better for you. While they are not the enemy, they are also not the boss. Always remember,
choice is your power.
However, they do not know as much about my illnesses as I do. They read and study; I live it
24/7. No two cases of any illness are identical. I have learned that taking all the right
medicine, following the right diet, etc. does not always pay off. Crohn's in particular seems to
have a mind of its own. I have taken as many as 53 pills a day, and still have had to fight the
grim reaper.
My doctor may want to do a test, but having the test is my choice. I do not always have the
money to afford the co-pay on something like a blood test, so sometimes it must be skipped.
If I feel it is necessary the choice is mine, not the doctor's. The same goes for medication. I
am willing to try new medication, but if the side effects and cost outweigh the benefits, the
choice to stop taking a medicine is mine. I need to add here that Drs. Heine, Orgel, and Payne
are wonderful physicians and I value them more than they know.
There was a time that I let psychiatrists throw pill after pill at me. Sure, the mania and
depression were diminished and my mind was quiet, but I was a zombie. One medication took
away all of the rapid-fire thoughts I sometimes have, but it made me sedate. In the process
it also destroyed my pancreas. Nice. I stopped some of the meds by accident. When Raine
was in the coma, I stayed at the hospital 24/7 for 5 weeks. I did not have the time to go get
them refilled. Also, living out of vending machines left me strapped for cash, medicine became
a luxury. Over the next month my energy came back. Now, I know I need help to a point, so I
do take a mild sedative when I get out of control and need to slow down. Running full throttle
is bad for my body and for those who love me. An occasional sleeping pill also helps slow the
manic episodes as well.
In the hospital you might hear the words "doctor's orders." What you need to remember is
that those are the doctor's orders for the nurses and staff. If you do not feel a need to eat
that tasteless paste they bring you, DON'T. Of course do not be a fool and do something that
will make matters worse or extend your stay. The key thing to remember is that medical
personnel work for you not vice-versa.
On a final note regarding doctors, always keep in mind life versus quality of life. I will not
take a treatment that might buy me more time if it means that time is spent chained to a bed
or machine. Doctors are not your enemy, however. They are doing all they can to make things
better for you. While they are not the enemy, they are also not the boss. Always remember,
choice is your power.
Being a hawk does not mean...
...breaking the law. Only an inconsiderate jerk does something without regard to the
consequences it has on others. Every action you take has an impact on another.(See the
section on duty to others)
While you should not be inconsiderate of others, you also should not consider what others
think of you to have a sense of self. The power of self is truly incredible.
consequences it has on others. Every action you take has an impact on another.(See the
section on duty to others)
While you should not be inconsiderate of others, you also should not consider what others
think of you to have a sense of self. The power of self is truly incredible.
