 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| THORNS A pleasant walk through the briars. |
In the 80s, there was a song that told us how "every rose has its thorns." That song talked about while
being in love can be wonderful, it also can be very painful. It implied that every good thing also has a bad
thing. Well, I now say that EVERY THORN HAS A ROSE. While this may not be true using Aristotelean
logic, I assure you that inside of every painful thing there is something wonderful, we just may have to
search for it.
This disease has done some awful things to me. What follows below is an abridged list of what Crohn's,
along with the other ailments, have done to my life.
Crohn’s:
Took away my accounting career after only nine months. This is the career that I worked 60
hours a week in college to attain.
Took away financial security. Since I cannot work full time, and Social INsecurity is a joke, I have
had to do without many things (at times even food and medication) because of the financial
devastation it has caused.
Took away my pride (for a time). Not only did this type "A" personality have to accept being
disabled, I had to deal with crapping my pants at the worst times. Also, my rectum has probably
been examined by more people than have seen Brittany Spears naked.
Took away my first marriage (and children for a time). My first wife was not a bad woman, but it
takes a certain "something" to care for a chronically ill spouse. When she divorced me and
took the kids, I thought I had lost everything.
Took away many foods that I enjoy. My particular case does not allow me to eat any fruits,
vegetables, dairy products, nuts or fatty foods. I have not eaten a salad for about 18 years. I
have not been able to have onions or lettuce on a hamburger. Lean meats, starches and
sugars are all I can consume, yet I lose weight if I consume less than 5,000 calories per day.
Took away knowing how I will feel tomorrow. It would be great if when I went to sleep I could
plan the next day’s activities. But since I do not know if I will be able to get out of bed
tomorrow, life has to be improvised.
Took away comfortable travel. With Crohn's nature does not call, it SCREAMS. Too many times I
have messed myself or been humiliated because of the urge to purge.
Took away my physical strength. Fatigue and weakness are a serious problem with this
disease. A few weeks ago I was too weak to lift a 14 lb. box of cat litter. Some days lifting a
gallon jug of tea is too much for me.
Took away my eyesight (to a point). If you click HERE, you can see what Crohn's can do to the
eyes. Now my eyes are so sensitive to light that I must wear sunglasses almost all of the time.
Even then I can get severe migraines from my bad eyesight, which brings other complications.
Took away (on some days) my ability to walk. The arthritic pains and deterioration of my joints (a
side effect of prednisone) make walking difficult or impossible at times. I always have a walking
stick handy. Sometimes I have had to use a walker to get to the toilet.
Took away my "golden years." My case has been quite bad, and the illness and medications
involved have conspired to shorten the days I have on this earth. I was not supposed to make
it to age 40. Of course, I turned 41 last year, so every day feels "borrowed."
Took away "pain free" days. I cannot remember when my last day without pain was, it seems so
long ago. Every day I hurt somewhere. I would wager that it has been years since I opened my
eyes to a day without pain.
I could go on, but I would rather not. Wallowing in the negative is about as much fun as sitting in my own
stool. Wallowing leads to misery, and misery, not Crohn's, is the TRUE enemy.
As one can see, that is quite a list. It was emotionally painful to type. Every day I must face most if not all
of these thorns. But, every thorn has a rose, does it not? To get to the delicious chestnut, one must
break open the bag of briars encasing it. To harvest a rose and enjoy its aroma, one must risk getting
pricked by a thorn. To get to the choicest hunting grounds, one must at times walk through the worst briar
patch.
I am telling you all that this walk through my own briar patch has been worth it. In fact, I would walk through
those briars over and over again to be where I am today, to have what I have today.
Because of Crohn's:
I now have time to be here for my kids. I get to be their mentor and great counsel. The old pre-
illness Dwain was obsessed with his career and financial success. If I were not ill, I would not
be here for Ally & Alex to cry on my shoulder when they need to, to seek my advice when they
need it, to come to me for a laugh, to show them the 100% unconditional love that I never knew.
I now have a woman who accepts all of me. Jamie and I met because she also has this disease.
If I were not blessed with Crohn's I do not think I would have found a human who took me for all
that I was. Our friendship turned into something I cannot give justice to with words.
I now have a proper perspective on life. Life is just transitory. We are only here for a short
time. All of the crap we work to accumulate becomes yard sale junk after we are gone. So I
have strived to succeed by giving the world the best children I can. When I am gone, there will
be a little less "junk" in their lives.
I now have the chance to chase my dream of earning money as a professional bowler. A full-
time career would not have granted me that time.
I now have the chance to be the type of person I always admired. I am someone who puts
others first, which is a rare but wonderful quality.
I now have the gift of salvation. Before, I never would have accepted Christ as I do now.
I now have no fear of death. Death happens to us all and we all become obsessed with adding
a few more days to our lives. My life will end when it does, I really cannot control that. As I
have said before, a healthy person can die in a car accident tomorrow.
I now have no fear of LIFE. Being ill has given me time to wrestle and lay to rest the ghosts of
my horrible youth. Now I not only LIVE, I ENJOY LIVING. Today might be my last day, so I will do
what I can to make it count.
And best of all:
I now have the chance to not just make a difference for other, but to BE the difference. My
illness has given me an amazing gift. I have gotten hundreds of emails from people who say I
have made a difference in their lives. My refusal to be miserable and sharing that on this
website has helped many dust themselves off and go forward. To date more than 20,000 people
have read these pages. If only 10% of those saw me as an inspiration and used my writings to
improve their own lives, then I have helped 2,000 people. There is NO WAY I could have done
that when I was a money oriented workaholic. I was made to feel pain so that my once troubled
soul could feel a joy that no drug, drink or other earthly pleasure could ever give.
Yes, Crohn's has done what some would call some horrible things to me. I do not see them as horrible. As
I sit here now, I promise you I see these diseases as the best thing that could have happened to me.
I know many of you have horrible pains of your own, and many are much worse than mine. I know your
own life may seem like one continuous briar patch. I ask you to sit down in that briar patch right now and
take a long look around. Look under the brambles and I promise there is the sweet fruit of happiness just
waiting for you to taste it. You may not realize the gifts that your illness has given you, but I promise it is
there.
I have gone to many church services where people offered to pray for my healing. Some of you may pray
for me even now. Please do not. These diseases may be killing my body, but I promise you I was healed
the moment my intestines first burst open. At that moment, Dwain died, and "Sponge Daddy" was born.
When my diseased guts poured infection into my abdomen, it made room in my body. Now this diseased
body has a heart that enjoys life more than the old, healthy guy could have.
What some call my curse, I call the greatest blessing I have ever known. I was made ill so that I could feel
better than I ever could have before. I was made humble so that I could be proud of who I am. I was made
lonely so that I could enjoy the HOME I never knew. I was made poor so that I could enjoy the richness of
living. I was made weak so that I could feel stronger than ever before. I was partially blinded so that I
could see the true beauty of this world. I was made crippled at times so that I could enjoy having someone
to lean on. I was made to feel mortal so that I could realize the joys of enjoying life.
I must stop writing for now. I have to go for another walk through the briar patch. You can only imagine
the beauty I find there.
Be well,
Sponge
01/07/2008
being in love can be wonderful, it also can be very painful. It implied that every good thing also has a bad
thing. Well, I now say that EVERY THORN HAS A ROSE. While this may not be true using Aristotelean
logic, I assure you that inside of every painful thing there is something wonderful, we just may have to
search for it.
This disease has done some awful things to me. What follows below is an abridged list of what Crohn's,
along with the other ailments, have done to my life.
Crohn’s:
Took away my accounting career after only nine months. This is the career that I worked 60
hours a week in college to attain.
Took away financial security. Since I cannot work full time, and Social INsecurity is a joke, I have
had to do without many things (at times even food and medication) because of the financial
devastation it has caused.
Took away my pride (for a time). Not only did this type "A" personality have to accept being
disabled, I had to deal with crapping my pants at the worst times. Also, my rectum has probably
been examined by more people than have seen Brittany Spears naked.
Took away my first marriage (and children for a time). My first wife was not a bad woman, but it
takes a certain "something" to care for a chronically ill spouse. When she divorced me and
took the kids, I thought I had lost everything.
Took away many foods that I enjoy. My particular case does not allow me to eat any fruits,
vegetables, dairy products, nuts or fatty foods. I have not eaten a salad for about 18 years. I
have not been able to have onions or lettuce on a hamburger. Lean meats, starches and
sugars are all I can consume, yet I lose weight if I consume less than 5,000 calories per day.
Took away knowing how I will feel tomorrow. It would be great if when I went to sleep I could
plan the next day’s activities. But since I do not know if I will be able to get out of bed
tomorrow, life has to be improvised.
Took away comfortable travel. With Crohn's nature does not call, it SCREAMS. Too many times I
have messed myself or been humiliated because of the urge to purge.
Took away my physical strength. Fatigue and weakness are a serious problem with this
disease. A few weeks ago I was too weak to lift a 14 lb. box of cat litter. Some days lifting a
gallon jug of tea is too much for me.
Took away my eyesight (to a point). If you click HERE, you can see what Crohn's can do to the
eyes. Now my eyes are so sensitive to light that I must wear sunglasses almost all of the time.
Even then I can get severe migraines from my bad eyesight, which brings other complications.
Took away (on some days) my ability to walk. The arthritic pains and deterioration of my joints (a
side effect of prednisone) make walking difficult or impossible at times. I always have a walking
stick handy. Sometimes I have had to use a walker to get to the toilet.
Took away my "golden years." My case has been quite bad, and the illness and medications
involved have conspired to shorten the days I have on this earth. I was not supposed to make
it to age 40. Of course, I turned 41 last year, so every day feels "borrowed."
Took away "pain free" days. I cannot remember when my last day without pain was, it seems so
long ago. Every day I hurt somewhere. I would wager that it has been years since I opened my
eyes to a day without pain.
I could go on, but I would rather not. Wallowing in the negative is about as much fun as sitting in my own
stool. Wallowing leads to misery, and misery, not Crohn's, is the TRUE enemy.
As one can see, that is quite a list. It was emotionally painful to type. Every day I must face most if not all
of these thorns. But, every thorn has a rose, does it not? To get to the delicious chestnut, one must
break open the bag of briars encasing it. To harvest a rose and enjoy its aroma, one must risk getting
pricked by a thorn. To get to the choicest hunting grounds, one must at times walk through the worst briar
patch.
I am telling you all that this walk through my own briar patch has been worth it. In fact, I would walk through
those briars over and over again to be where I am today, to have what I have today.
Because of Crohn's:
I now have time to be here for my kids. I get to be their mentor and great counsel. The old pre-
illness Dwain was obsessed with his career and financial success. If I were not ill, I would not
be here for Ally & Alex to cry on my shoulder when they need to, to seek my advice when they
need it, to come to me for a laugh, to show them the 100% unconditional love that I never knew.
I now have a woman who accepts all of me. Jamie and I met because she also has this disease.
If I were not blessed with Crohn's I do not think I would have found a human who took me for all
that I was. Our friendship turned into something I cannot give justice to with words.
I now have a proper perspective on life. Life is just transitory. We are only here for a short
time. All of the crap we work to accumulate becomes yard sale junk after we are gone. So I
have strived to succeed by giving the world the best children I can. When I am gone, there will
be a little less "junk" in their lives.
I now have the chance to chase my dream of earning money as a professional bowler. A full-
time career would not have granted me that time.
I now have the chance to be the type of person I always admired. I am someone who puts
others first, which is a rare but wonderful quality.
I now have the gift of salvation. Before, I never would have accepted Christ as I do now.
I now have no fear of death. Death happens to us all and we all become obsessed with adding
a few more days to our lives. My life will end when it does, I really cannot control that. As I
have said before, a healthy person can die in a car accident tomorrow.
I now have no fear of LIFE. Being ill has given me time to wrestle and lay to rest the ghosts of
my horrible youth. Now I not only LIVE, I ENJOY LIVING. Today might be my last day, so I will do
what I can to make it count.
And best of all:
I now have the chance to not just make a difference for other, but to BE the difference. My
illness has given me an amazing gift. I have gotten hundreds of emails from people who say I
have made a difference in their lives. My refusal to be miserable and sharing that on this
website has helped many dust themselves off and go forward. To date more than 20,000 people
have read these pages. If only 10% of those saw me as an inspiration and used my writings to
improve their own lives, then I have helped 2,000 people. There is NO WAY I could have done
that when I was a money oriented workaholic. I was made to feel pain so that my once troubled
soul could feel a joy that no drug, drink or other earthly pleasure could ever give.
Yes, Crohn's has done what some would call some horrible things to me. I do not see them as horrible. As
I sit here now, I promise you I see these diseases as the best thing that could have happened to me.
I know many of you have horrible pains of your own, and many are much worse than mine. I know your
own life may seem like one continuous briar patch. I ask you to sit down in that briar patch right now and
take a long look around. Look under the brambles and I promise there is the sweet fruit of happiness just
waiting for you to taste it. You may not realize the gifts that your illness has given you, but I promise it is
there.
I have gone to many church services where people offered to pray for my healing. Some of you may pray
for me even now. Please do not. These diseases may be killing my body, but I promise you I was healed
the moment my intestines first burst open. At that moment, Dwain died, and "Sponge Daddy" was born.
When my diseased guts poured infection into my abdomen, it made room in my body. Now this diseased
body has a heart that enjoys life more than the old, healthy guy could have.
What some call my curse, I call the greatest blessing I have ever known. I was made ill so that I could feel
better than I ever could have before. I was made humble so that I could be proud of who I am. I was made
lonely so that I could enjoy the HOME I never knew. I was made poor so that I could enjoy the richness of
living. I was made weak so that I could feel stronger than ever before. I was partially blinded so that I
could see the true beauty of this world. I was made crippled at times so that I could enjoy having someone
to lean on. I was made to feel mortal so that I could realize the joys of enjoying life.
I must stop writing for now. I have to go for another walk through the briar patch. You can only imagine
the beauty I find there.
Be well,
Sponge
01/07/2008