| COPING basic tools against disability |
Over time, many have said to me, “How do you deal with all of that?” I usually direct
them to my essays on this website, for each essay contains some vital part of how it is
that I deal with “all of that.” However, I have realized that perhaps I should write a
summary of some basic coping skills, and steps necessary to get to the point that I am at
today. I offer these below. Rest assured that as time passes, I will add more.
Coping with illness:
1. Grieve. Yes, grieve. Allow yourself enough time to mourn for that which you have
lost, whether it is time or abilities. Get angry, cry, bargain, and then accept. Only after
you have grieved will you begin to cope. I would suggest as part of this grief counseling,
just like if you had lost a loved one.
2. Know your illness. I advise those I minister to that they should know more about their
disease than their doctor does. With the internet providing the plethora of information
that it does, one can educate themselves quite well about whatever disease they have.
Don’t just take a doctor’s word for it, LEARN IT FOR YOURSELF! Know the warning
signs that things might be getting worse. Know all of the symptoms, know all of the
problems, and learn your prognosis.
3. As you go through life with your disease, watch the symptoms and over time you will
learn when a bad episode is coming. For myself, I know when the fatigue sets in, then
the joint pain it is time to take a closer look at my body. When red splotches appear on
my skin, it is time to call the doctor.
4. Realize that NO TWO CASES OF ANY ILLNESS ARE IDENTICAL. I know many with
Crohn’s who are relatively trouble-free. I also know many who have died. Most went to
the same doctors and went through similar treatments. Sometimes it seems that Crohn’s
has a mind of its own; that no matter what I do, the illness can hit me out of know where
and hit me hard. The reason to know this is so that you don’t find yourself comparing
your case to another’s. Doing so tends to foster self-pity, and we both know that self-
pity is for pigeons.
5. Know what causes your illness to be worse. It has taken me nearly 20 years to learn
that certain foods are taboo. The way I did this was by taking away everything and
adding them back one at a time, then paying attention to my body. Now I know that
eating roughage is very, very bad for me; that fat is almost taboo. I have learned that a
few drinks of Ensure and high carb drinks can keep me going for a very long time.
6. Know your limits. When your body starts telling you to slow down, you better do just
that, or be willing to face the consequences. When I go day after day without adequate
rest, my body starts to rebel. When I go weeks without a mental day off, I get cranky and
then even sicker.
7. Push yourself to your limits as often as you can. No pain, no gain, right? How will
you know just how far you can go unless you try. When I had to learn to walk again and
ten steps were impossible, I could have stopped there. No thank you. The idea was to
get better, so the next day I would push that much harder. 22 days later I walked out of
the hospital. Do you want to wallow in self-pity and spend whatever days you have left
saying “I can’t do that?” Or would you rather say, “Watch me now, Doc!” While I do over
do it at times, I do know when to take a break. But when the next cycle of feeling better
comes along, you better believe that I will go that “one more frame.”
8. Ignore those who say, “You can’t.” In fact, thumb your nose at them and show them
that they have no clue. Remember, doctors know science; they do NOT know YOU and
the power that lies within each of you.
9. Cut ties with those who only want to pity you or stay within the limits they want for
you. There are always those who want to hold you back. Most mean well and are only
looking out for you. But ask yourself this. Is it YOU they are looking out for, or there own
need to keep you “around.” If all they want to do is pity you, tell them good-bye. They
will do you more harm than good. You might as well lay in bed all day and waste away,
for that is what will happen.
10. Laugh…often and loud.
11. Always realize that there are those worse off than you. There is only one person on
this earth at the moment you are reading this who can truthfully say, “No one has it
worse than me.” More than likely that is NOT you. Unless you want to be like them, you
had better start shattering the chains of pity and selfishness.
12. Last and not least, pray. Yes, pray. I pray often. Not for health, but for strength.
God wants us to trust him, and I do. And he gives me the strength every day to deal with
what I am tested with. Learn to trust whatever God you pray to. Gird your loins with faith
and let His strength be your shield.
There are more that I will add as I ponder this more. The key thing is, most of these are
YOUR choice. The key to all of this is taking control of your choices. Pity is not a choice
to us Hawk type people. Pity is like a bad drug. It might satisfy your needs at the
moment, but the long-term effects are deadly.
Be well,
Sponge
1/17/2005
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |