| "A HAWK REQUIRES NO PERMISSION FROM THE PIGEONS" |
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What the heck does that mean?
In this life you are either a hawk or a pigeon. A hawk is someone who, while considerate to
others, does not always allow others to influence his or her behavior. Some people like to call me
"Beetlejuice" behind my back; making fun of my bad hair and bad teeth. Well, I do not let these
pigeons affect my self-esteem. I derive my self-worth from who I am and what I do, not what
others think of me. I must say that I feel sorry for those who must make fun of other's faults or
handicaps. How sad their life must be that the only way they feel good about themselves is by
putting others down. Earning the respect of decent, honest people is a wonderful thing, but I do
not rely on that to know my value. I am a decent kind of guy and I know it. I do not need anyone
else to convince me.
A hawk is also someone who does for themselves without worry of scorn. For instance, when you
look in the mirror do you make your clothes and hair match the style of the day just to avoid
scrutiny? Dressing in style is fine as long as you do it because you like it, not because everyone
else does. I buy 90% of my clothes second hand. I dress for comfort and for what I like. I wear my
hair spiked because it looks thicker to me that way. Whether others think my style is stupid
looking or not isn't worth two cents to me. I have more important things to put energy into than
worrying about "fashion."
Not needing the approval of others for your looks or your style is a truly freeing experience. It takes
me about 10 minutes to shower and dress in the morning. I grab out of the closet whatever will be
comfortable and appropriate. In my eyes I have become much more handsome since I adopted
this attitude. Of course I do want to get my bottom teeth replaced, for the sake of chewing, not to
avoid approbation of pigeons. Through the course of the illness, vomiting and mal nourishment
have ruined my teeth, but dental work is expensive. And, after all, this is Kentucky, people expect
me to be missing a few teeth.
others, does not always allow others to influence his or her behavior. Some people like to call me
"Beetlejuice" behind my back; making fun of my bad hair and bad teeth. Well, I do not let these
pigeons affect my self-esteem. I derive my self-worth from who I am and what I do, not what
others think of me. I must say that I feel sorry for those who must make fun of other's faults or
handicaps. How sad their life must be that the only way they feel good about themselves is by
putting others down. Earning the respect of decent, honest people is a wonderful thing, but I do
not rely on that to know my value. I am a decent kind of guy and I know it. I do not need anyone
else to convince me.
A hawk is also someone who does for themselves without worry of scorn. For instance, when you
look in the mirror do you make your clothes and hair match the style of the day just to avoid
scrutiny? Dressing in style is fine as long as you do it because you like it, not because everyone
else does. I buy 90% of my clothes second hand. I dress for comfort and for what I like. I wear my
hair spiked because it looks thicker to me that way. Whether others think my style is stupid
looking or not isn't worth two cents to me. I have more important things to put energy into than
worrying about "fashion."
Not needing the approval of others for your looks or your style is a truly freeing experience. It takes
me about 10 minutes to shower and dress in the morning. I grab out of the closet whatever will be
comfortable and appropriate. In my eyes I have become much more handsome since I adopted
this attitude. Of course I do want to get my bottom teeth replaced, for the sake of chewing, not to
avoid approbation of pigeons. Through the course of the illness, vomiting and mal nourishment
have ruined my teeth, but dental work is expensive. And, after all, this is Kentucky, people expect
me to be missing a few teeth.
Being a hawk with the doctors..
One truth is that my doctors are incredibly intelligent people; I trust them with my life. However,
they do not know as much about my illnesses as I do. They read and study; I live it 24/7. No two
cases of any illness are identical. I have learned that taking all the right medicine, following the
right diet, etc. does not always pay off. Crohn's in particular seems to have a mind of its own. I
have taken as many as 53 pills a day, and still have had to fight the grim reaper.
My doctor may want to do a test, but having the test is my choice. I do not always have the money
to afford the co-pay on something like a blood test, so sometimes it must be skipped. If I feel it is
necessary the choice is mine, not the doctor's. The same goes for medication. I am willing to try
new medication, but if the side effects and cost outweigh the benefits, the choice to stop taking a
medicine is mine. I need to add here that Drs. Heine, Orgel, and Payne are wonderful physicians
and I value them more than they know.
There was a time that I let psychiatrists throw pill after pill at me. Sure, the mania and depression
were diminished and my mind was quiet, but I was a zombie. One medication took away all of
the rapid-fire thoughts I sometimes have, but it made me sedate. In the process it also destroyed
my pancreas. Nice. I stopped some of the meds by accident. When my second wife was in the
coma, I stayed at the hospital 24/7 for 5 weeks. I did not have the time to go get them refilled.
Also, living out of vending machines left me strapped for cash, medicine became a luxury. Over
the next month my energy came back. Now, I know I need help to a point, so I do take a mild
sedative when I get out of control and need to slow down. Running full throttle is bad for my body
and for those who love me. An occasional sleeping pill also helps slow the manic episodes as
well.
In the hospital you might hear the words "doctor's orders." What you need to remember is that
those are the doctor's orders for the nurses and staff. If you do not feel a need to eat that
tasteless paste they bring you, DON'T. Of course do not be a fool and do something that will
make matters worse or extend your stay. The key thing to remember is that medical personnel
work for you not vice-versa.
On a final note regarding doctors, always keep in mind life versus quality of life. I will not take a
treatment that might buy me more time if it means that time is spent chained to a bed or machine.
Doctors are not your enemy, however. They are doing all they can to make things better for you.
While they are not the enemy, they are also not the boss. Always remember, choice is your power.
they do not know as much about my illnesses as I do. They read and study; I live it 24/7. No two
cases of any illness are identical. I have learned that taking all the right medicine, following the
right diet, etc. does not always pay off. Crohn's in particular seems to have a mind of its own. I
have taken as many as 53 pills a day, and still have had to fight the grim reaper.
My doctor may want to do a test, but having the test is my choice. I do not always have the money
to afford the co-pay on something like a blood test, so sometimes it must be skipped. If I feel it is
necessary the choice is mine, not the doctor's. The same goes for medication. I am willing to try
new medication, but if the side effects and cost outweigh the benefits, the choice to stop taking a
medicine is mine. I need to add here that Drs. Heine, Orgel, and Payne are wonderful physicians
and I value them more than they know.
There was a time that I let psychiatrists throw pill after pill at me. Sure, the mania and depression
were diminished and my mind was quiet, but I was a zombie. One medication took away all of
the rapid-fire thoughts I sometimes have, but it made me sedate. In the process it also destroyed
my pancreas. Nice. I stopped some of the meds by accident. When my second wife was in the
coma, I stayed at the hospital 24/7 for 5 weeks. I did not have the time to go get them refilled.
Also, living out of vending machines left me strapped for cash, medicine became a luxury. Over
the next month my energy came back. Now, I know I need help to a point, so I do take a mild
sedative when I get out of control and need to slow down. Running full throttle is bad for my body
and for those who love me. An occasional sleeping pill also helps slow the manic episodes as
well.
In the hospital you might hear the words "doctor's orders." What you need to remember is that
those are the doctor's orders for the nurses and staff. If you do not feel a need to eat that
tasteless paste they bring you, DON'T. Of course do not be a fool and do something that will
make matters worse or extend your stay. The key thing to remember is that medical personnel
work for you not vice-versa.
On a final note regarding doctors, always keep in mind life versus quality of life. I will not take a
treatment that might buy me more time if it means that time is spent chained to a bed or machine.
Doctors are not your enemy, however. They are doing all they can to make things better for you.
While they are not the enemy, they are also not the boss. Always remember, choice is your power.
Being a hawk does not mean...
...Breaking the law. Only an inconsiderate jerk does something without regard to the
consequences it has on others. Every action you take has an impact on another.(See the
section on duty to others)
While you should not be inconsiderate of others, you also should not consider what others
think of you to have a sense of self. The power of self is truly incredible.
consequences it has on others. Every action you take has an impact on another.(See the
section on duty to others)
While you should not be inconsiderate of others, you also should not consider what others
think of you to have a sense of self. The power of self is truly incredible.