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In 1996, a quack doctor told me that I only had a one in four chance of living to see 40 (I was 30 at
the time). This served to suck the wind out of my sails and set me on a long downward spiral.
Now death is nothing new to me, I had fought the grim reaper before in 1990, when I was down
to 120 pounds. My intestines ruptured and my body chemistry was so bad (albumin of 0.3) that
they didn't give me much of a chance. In 2001, my potassium level dropped to a record low of 1.2
and they were all scared. I pulled back just fine.
Death is nothing to fear. When you have a strong faith and know that something better is coming
after this life, it makes death something to look forward to like a kid on Christmas Eve looks at
the next morning. Now I am in no hurry to die, mind you. I did the most cowardly thing, I
attempted suicide after operation number six and my first wife and I split. What a wimp I was.
Now I look forward to that day, but I cling to whatever days I have left with zeal. There is so much
life out there and I want to live it. So many sick people I know are not afraid of death, they are
afraid of life. Yes, pain makes it tough, but the flavor of people and good things make it worth
bearing.
Look at the beauty of the world. The world itself is not ugly, just certain people. But you can
ignore them pretty well and make the best of things. When was the last time you took a nature
walk, or did something else that really made you feel good inside? For me, sitting playing a
board game with my kids on the weekend makes whatever happened during the week worth it.
When I wake up in pain and those that love me are there with a smile and a gentle touch, it is all
worth it. I want to live!
We all are going to die. These illnesses may take my life. Guess what, before I became ill, a
drunk driver could have ended my life then too. I have had the good fortune of an illness to make
me see that life is really worth living and enjoying. There are so many things to see and do, I
want to do as much as I can.
When I was in the hospital in 1997, I made a list of 10 things I wanted to do before I died. When I
finally bowled my 300 game on January 8, 2004, I completed the list. Some wonder why I fell to
my knees and wept when it happened. Let them wonder, let them call me a wimp. But finally, I
had done it all.
Now I have a new list, and bowling on the pro tour is one of the things, living long enough to see
all my kids graduate and start their lives is another. Some things on the list I will not share for
they have to do with meeting certain people out there in the world. I do not want them to know
they are on my list for the simple reason that I want to meet them through effort and desire, not
because they feel sorry for me.
That is another thing, sympathy. This website is not about "look at poor pitiful me." Sympathy
does not take my pain away or provide for my kids. This site is about giving courage to those
who have had a rough way to go. It is to show the power of self, and the power of pure
unadulterated determination.
Dear reader, do you realize that you could die tomorrow? Then get off your butt and start doing
things for yourself that you always wanted. Regret is a dangerous emotion and there should not
be any. Now I do not mean go out and booze it up and party. After all, do you want to be
remembered in a good way, or as a jerk? Also, one last thing on death. The words you say to
any person could very well be the last words you ever get to say to them, so choose them wisely.
Whatever life you have left, live it to your fullest potential!!
Be well,
Sponge
originally written summer 2004
the time). This served to suck the wind out of my sails and set me on a long downward spiral.
Now death is nothing new to me, I had fought the grim reaper before in 1990, when I was down
to 120 pounds. My intestines ruptured and my body chemistry was so bad (albumin of 0.3) that
they didn't give me much of a chance. In 2001, my potassium level dropped to a record low of 1.2
and they were all scared. I pulled back just fine.
Death is nothing to fear. When you have a strong faith and know that something better is coming
after this life, it makes death something to look forward to like a kid on Christmas Eve looks at
the next morning. Now I am in no hurry to die, mind you. I did the most cowardly thing, I
attempted suicide after operation number six and my first wife and I split. What a wimp I was.
Now I look forward to that day, but I cling to whatever days I have left with zeal. There is so much
life out there and I want to live it. So many sick people I know are not afraid of death, they are
afraid of life. Yes, pain makes it tough, but the flavor of people and good things make it worth
bearing.
Look at the beauty of the world. The world itself is not ugly, just certain people. But you can
ignore them pretty well and make the best of things. When was the last time you took a nature
walk, or did something else that really made you feel good inside? For me, sitting playing a
board game with my kids on the weekend makes whatever happened during the week worth it.
When I wake up in pain and those that love me are there with a smile and a gentle touch, it is all
worth it. I want to live!
We all are going to die. These illnesses may take my life. Guess what, before I became ill, a
drunk driver could have ended my life then too. I have had the good fortune of an illness to make
me see that life is really worth living and enjoying. There are so many things to see and do, I
want to do as much as I can.
When I was in the hospital in 1997, I made a list of 10 things I wanted to do before I died. When I
finally bowled my 300 game on January 8, 2004, I completed the list. Some wonder why I fell to
my knees and wept when it happened. Let them wonder, let them call me a wimp. But finally, I
had done it all.
Now I have a new list, and bowling on the pro tour is one of the things, living long enough to see
all my kids graduate and start their lives is another. Some things on the list I will not share for
they have to do with meeting certain people out there in the world. I do not want them to know
they are on my list for the simple reason that I want to meet them through effort and desire, not
because they feel sorry for me.
That is another thing, sympathy. This website is not about "look at poor pitiful me." Sympathy
does not take my pain away or provide for my kids. This site is about giving courage to those
who have had a rough way to go. It is to show the power of self, and the power of pure
unadulterated determination.
Dear reader, do you realize that you could die tomorrow? Then get off your butt and start doing
things for yourself that you always wanted. Regret is a dangerous emotion and there should not
be any. Now I do not mean go out and booze it up and party. After all, do you want to be
remembered in a good way, or as a jerk? Also, one last thing on death. The words you say to
any person could very well be the last words you ever get to say to them, so choose them wisely.
Whatever life you have left, live it to your fullest potential!!
Be well,
Sponge
originally written summer 2004